Why Asking for Advice Isn’t Always a Good Idea…

afraid to make mistakeOne thing I’ve seen very concretely in my life is how much faster I progress when I’ve relied on my own creativity and ideas. When I’ve had FAITH in my ideas and especially when I’ve been ready to take a risk and be OK with the idea of failing…

The level at which I progress literally eclipses the opposite situation…

See… We have a habit of having an idea and then asking everyone around us what they think. It’s natural. We like to feel supported. We like to feel accepted.

The reality is that we are just scared and by getting someone else (anyone – even if they are not qualified) to agree with us, it brings us a sense of confidence (even if this is completely wrong).

But…this is a very risky place to be. Most ideas we have will never be supported or even understood by those around us. Most importantly, I can bet that 95% of those we seek opinions from are not even properly qualified to give it!

So we risk being led wrongly.

The first few years of my career – I remember being a rogue! I didn’t care what others thought – I was going to do what I wanted. If I failed, so what? On to the next… 🙂

Then…I started seeing some bad days. I had some back to back failures and suddenly my fear grew and I always wanted the advice and opinion of others to confirm my thoughts. Well, if you ask 10 people, you’ll rarely getting any concrete conclusion. Quickly this led to a major demise in my life. My greatest talent as an Entrepreneur was left paralyzed.

No ideas would progress. Nothing new was happening. Nothing was being created!

Then – again about 2 years ago, I took a more rogue approach. I began to believe in myself. I began to do what I wanted. I lost the fear of failure.

Today… Well… I feel blessed that I learned such a major lesson so early in my life.

So, what’s my point? Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Who cares what others think? Who cares if you fail?

Just do it. 🙂

Feel Like a Failure? How To Get Back On Your Feet (Part 5 of 5)

Check out parts one, two, three and four where I talked about the first four steps to recover from a major setback.

All right, so you processed your emotions. You unburdened yourself and faced the fear. You put yourself in a mental and emotional place where you can begin taking action by breaking down your challenges into manageable chunks.

Now it’s time to follow through and get yourself back on your feet.

7Step five is to empower yourself with one small action.

This is a key step because the number one thing we lose when we’re feeling down is motivation. There’s just no inspiration to do anything.

You could give the world’s greatest opportunity to somebody with no motivation, and they will do NOTHING with it.

So how do you get your inspiration back?
Simple: get into motion again.
It’s difficult to start moving, but it’s easy to keep moving.

Let’s go back to the debt example from part 4. You may desperately want to get out of that situation. You might have all kinds of logical reasons why your life would be better if you didn’t have that debt load. You might even be terrified of the consequences of having that much debt.

But let’s face it. In spite of all those excellent reasons, taking massive action to overcome the problem is really hard.

However, if you are already doing something, even if it is the most minor of actions, you light a spark. It could be the smallest thing, like creating an Excel spreadsheet listing your creditors and the amount you owe to each of them. Yet just doing that ONE thing makes it a lot easier to fire yourself up – and take bigger and stronger action.

So, after you’ve broken your problem down, focus all of your attention on the first chunk. Then ask yourself a simple question: “what is the smallest action I can take right now?”

Take that one small action, and get some positive momentum going!

8The more momentum you build, the faster you will overcome your challenges. Once you start getting some “small wins,” it’s amazing how your depression and anxiety will go away. You will be back on your feet, firing on all cylinders.

These are the five steps that I ALWAYS follow when I suffer a major setback. And you know what? They ALWAYS work. Depending on the situation, each individual step might take an hour, a day, or even a week. But regardless of how long or short each step is, if you do EACH one (no skipping), I know that you will be amazed at how well they work.

It doesn’t matter how serious the failure is. Try this process, and see how strong you become in the face of adversity and how quickly you will move towards greater and greater levels of success!

Feel Like a Failure? How To Get Back On Your Feet (Part 4 of 5)

Check out parts one, two and three where I talked about the first three steps to recover from a major setback.

The first three steps in this series helped you process your grief, frustration and anxiety.

And it’s ESSENTIAL to go through the three steps. If you do not, then those emotions will linger beneath the surface and make it difficult for you to take action.

And you MUST take action. It’s when you take ACTION that you fix and heal things so you can move on.

aniklc The hardest part about taking action is that the challenges in front of you can seem so huge and imposing. The sheer size can paralyze you.

For example, a person who’s tens of thousands of dollars in debt might be depressed because they have absolutely no idea how they are going to get out of it.

A massive debt load, or whatever paralyzing fear you’re dealing with, can feel so intimidating, you just freeze. You take no action at all, which will only make your depression worse.

What you need to do is make the task before you a little less imposing. That’s why step four is to use the “divide and conquer” strategy.

This is how empires are built. The Roman Empire and the British Empire did not come into being after fighting one big war against all their enemies. That would have been a disastrous strategy (just ask the Germans!).

6Instead, these enormous empires were built by focusing all of their resources on one small enemy at a time. They’d knock down one. Then another. Then another… until all of their enemies were defeated and absorbed.

You need to employ a similar strategy with your own life. If you’re majorly in debt, don’t focus on the total amount all at once.

Always break that huge problem down into small manageable chunks.

While you may have no idea how you will pay off ALL of your debt, you can probably come up with ways to pay down a portion of it. After you pay down that small chunk, you can focus on the next chunk.

While you are dealing with each of these chunks, you should be focusing on that, rather than the total amount you owe.

You should just understand that the BIG problem will take care of itself as you eat away at the pieces.

With the help of step number four, you can now deal with the paralysis that overwhelming challenges create. Finally you can set yourself up to take real action and build up some momentum. That’s exactly what step number five – the final aspect – is all about. Watch for it in a few days!

Feel Like a Failure? How To Get Back On Your Feet (Part 3 of 5)

Check out part one and part two where I talked about the first two steps to recover from a major setback.

You suffered a major setback in your life. Following the advice in part one, you gave yourself permission to mope in a controlled fashion. You then confided in somebody to get your situation off your chest.

Step three is facing the WORST case scenario.

And I mean the WORST case. What’s the most horrible, disastrous, devastating thing that can happen? I want you to imagine it in detail… and look it straight in the face.

Why do you need to do this? In many cases, your negative emotions are an expression of the fear you feel internally. You are AFRAID – that you will never get the promotion, that you will never fall in love again, or that your business will fail and you will become destitute.

And because fear is sooo uncomfortable, our natural instinct is to suppress it.

But there’s a big problem with suppressing fear. It simply doesn’t work. Even if you try, fear still lingers beneath the surface. It HAUNTS you.

Until you confront your fear totally head-on, you will never, ever move on.

So how do you confront your fear? Feel it. And the best way to do that is to pretend – for a short time – that the worst-case scenario has actually happened.

  • Have a piece of paper and a pencil ready.
  • Sit down, close your eyes.
  • Imagine the horror of it all. Really put yourself in that situation.
  • Write down all the awful things that could happen.

4When you try this, you’ll notice something very interesting: there are OPPORTUNITIES available to you. Even in the midst of your fear. Even if you find yourself in the worst-case scenario. You WILL be okay.

In fact, even while you’re trying to experience all-out terror, you won’t be able to sustain it for long. That’s because our minds naturally gravitate to rescue strategies – even when everything is falling apart around us.

That’s why you need that pencil and paper in front of you. Once you descend into the fear, within MINUTES your mind will start showing you opportunities to fix things. You won’t be able to stop it.

So not only should you write down all the bad stuff – write down any solutions, exit strategies, anything positive that comes into your mind.

After you have that “aha” moment, your fear diminishes. After all, anticipation of the unknown is the fuel for fear. When you’ve already gone through something – even if it’s just in your imagination – it’s no longer unknown to you. Which means it’s much harder to be afraid of it.

This is an important step to overcoming a major setback. Yet many people skip it. They try to bury the fear deep down, instead of looking it in the face. They doom themselves to the constant, low-level, nagging stress of wondering when the monster is going to jump out of the shadows and eat them.

But trust me, if you feel the fear and confront it,
you’ll be taking a shortcut to quickly plow through those negative emotions and be FREE of them.

This puts yourself in the strongest possible position to feel better and begin taking ACTION again.

In the next part, you are going to learn about how to approach taking action to get out of your situation.

Feel Like a Failure? How To Get Back On Your Feet (Part 2 of 5)

This is part two. Check out part one where I talked about the first step to recover from a major setback.

As you learned in the previous part, the first thing you need to do when you feel down is give yourself permission to mope. Of course, you need to do this in a controlled, healthy way.

The second thing you need to do is to confide in somebody.

You will be amazed how much it helps just to share what you are going through with somebody else.

3The other person does not even have to give you feedback. In fact, it’s often BETTER if they don’t.

While unburdening yourself is essential for getting past a failure, it’s important for you to understand that sharing is NOT about getting the other person to “fix” things for you. Instead, their role is just to be there – to understand and accept you – while you express what you are going through.

In fact, that’s the way therapy works. The role of most therapists is not to give you groundbreaking advice about how to deal with your problems. Most therapists spend their time LISTENING – and then asking probing questions to help guide you in a certain direction.

But you have to choose WHO you confide in very wisely. It’s always best to confide in somebody who you can TRUST 100%. Yes, sometimes sharing with total stranger can be therapeutic. But confiding in someone who really cares about you and has your total trust allows you to be more open.

It could be a family member, your closest friend, a mentor, a coach, or just someone who has known you for a long, long time.

But what’s key is the person should accept you, care about you, and listen without judging you.

You’ll develop these types of relationships over time. Personally, I have a small select group of people I go to when I’m having a rough time in business. I have an even smaller set of people I confide in when I’m having personal problems.

What if you don’t have people in your life you would feel comfortable being open and honest with? Listen, this should be a wake-up call to build those solid relationships! I’m telling you, having those types of people in your life is amazing and will make it A LOT easier to get through difficult times.

So, that’s step two. If you suffered a setback and are feeling down, allow yourself to mope for a while and then express your feelings to somebody you trust. Those two steps alone will help you tremendously.

But… we are not finished yet! In a few days I’ll post part three, where I’ll talk about the next step. In the meantime, work on Step 1 and Step 2 and see what a BIG difference they make. (Part 3 is now online, check it out here!)

Feel Like a Failure? How To Get Back On Your Feet (Part 1 of 5)

Failure is a part of success. If you are afraid of failure and do not put yourself in situations where you might fail, then you will never succeed at anything meaningful.

Of course, this means that sometimes you WILL fail. You will put yourself in situations where you are lying on your back, bruised up, unsure of how you are going to get back up. How you deal with these situations will play a huge factor in your how successful you become.

1

Recently, I went through some of the most challenging weeks in my life. I felt overwhelmed, frustrated and pissed off at myself because of some mistakes that I made.

This has happened many times to me, and I am actually pretty good at handling it now. So in this series of posts, I’m going to share with you a five step process that will help you deal with these situations.

If you follow these five steps, you will be able to process the situation, regroup and come out even stronger than before.

In this post I want to talk about the very first step: giving yourself permission to mope.

I know, that’s a strange thing to hear. How can it be okay to feel sad and get down on yourself? Well, whether you want them to or not, those emotions you feel are going to come out. The question is whether they will come out on your terms or not.

2When you are feeling down, depressed or upset, it’s not as big of a deal as you think. No matter how successful you become, you will have moments where you feel these emotions.

Feeling bad is not a sign that you are a failure. It’s a sign that you tried and simply failed, which happens to everybody. Allow yourself to go through the healthy process of allowing these emotions to flow through you.

For some people, this means taking some alone time and just moping around. Others go through a different process. It doesn’t matter, just make sure you actually allow yourself to feel bad.

The key thing is to do it on your terms. Don’t suppress the emotions, but don’t be a slave to them, either. That means saying to yourself, “OK, I’m going to allow myself to mope for the next 60 minutes. After that, it’s time to let it go and move on.”

You see, the problem most people have with moping is that they stuff their feelings. That doesn’t work. BIG emotions don’t go away if you push them down. It’s like trying to jam 10 pounds of trash into a 5 pound bag – it all spills out sooner or later and makes a big mess of your life!

And what’s worse – the more you allow negative feelings to linger, the more they prevent you from taking any kind of action.

But if you claim control over the process, you can enjoy the cleansing benefits of moping – and without the disastrous consequences of allowing that moping to paralyze you.

The next three posts are about going through this process so that it fuels your rebound rather than holding it back.

You’ll find how in PART 2!

 

With Every Failure, You’re Closer To a Success!

I have no idea where I heard this saying, but it’s stuck with me for years. It’s one of the greatest truths I’ve ever heard!

It follow along with the line of “with every no, you’re closer to a yes” – you hear that line a LOT if you work in the sales business.

But, think about how sad it is… MOST people who try REALLY REALLY hard and push and fight eventually give up (if they don’t see fast success). The saddest part of that is to think HOW many of them gave up RIGHT before they hit success!

Most were probably another few tries (max) away before hitting a success.

I remember my personal story. I started my online business “venture” about 8 years ago and my first 3 projects were a miserable failure. I WAS very discouraged but I refused to give up (I think I have too big an ego for that). Well, guess what, a MONTH after I had really considered quitting – I had a HUGE success.

Since that day, I never looked back.

This has also happened with me over and over since then.

I Almost Made The Mistake Yesterday…

As a matter of fact, I ALMOST just gave up on something yesterday and woke up today and said “no way” – I re-started and already made a HUGE leap towards success today!

So, lesson for the day: SMILE when you fail, it’s awesome – be happy and keep pushing. Never stop fighting!  Success only comes after lots of failures!

HEY!!! STOP Buying EVERYTHING!!!

WARNING: Before watching this video, please be warned, if you are someone who gets easily offended, this video is NOT for you. I am ranting to everyone, INCLUDING myself!

As we come into 2011, I want you to THINK before you click the BUY BUTTON.

If you decide to buy an e-book, software or course out there in ANY NICHE, please, don’t put it on the shelf (or your hard drive) and “read/use it later.”

It doesn’t matter what niche it’s in. It can be Speaking Spanish, Losing Weight or Basket Weaving: Open it up right away and start implementing!

Personal CORE Values – Sunday Homework!

So, its 4 AM (direct from Mumbai, India) now as I write this and I can’t sleep. I was lying in bed thinking and wanted to make this video for you…

It’s not “marketing advice” or “make money” stuff. It’s MORE important than that.

I recently did an exercise that REALLY gave me an “AH HA” moment – it’s based on advice I got from Tony Hseih (CEO of Zappos – recently sold for $1B+ to Amazon)…

Based on the exercise, here are the 5 CORE Values I came up with for myself:

My Personal CORE Values:

1. Live life for the experiences.
2. Always help when you can.
3. Never stop challenging yourself.
4. Focus on loyalty and relationships.
5. Give back. Make an impact.

This takes like 10 minutes. Do it right away and leave a comment below and let me know what you come up with!